Kiss
by Devil Hunter Yohko
Summary: After Sleeping beauty wakes up and learns Prince Charming is neither a Prince (he's a King) nor is he Charming, she decided she would murder him and rule his country through her own magic.
1. Faerie

The Kiss  ****

The Kiss 

By: Me, who else, Alanna of Trebond.

To tell you the truth, I own a fair amount, plot, and characters, but the basis is Charles Perrault's. I mean, this is based on Sleeping Beauty, or kind of. This is what would happen to Sleeping Beauty if:

  1. Her name was Rosamund (I got that from _The Dictionary of Imaginary Places _by Alberto Manguel and Gianni Guadalupi, page 618)
  2. Sleeping Beauty is a fairy, equipped with wings
  3. Sleeping Beauty hated Prince Charming, and had brains.

Prince Charming stared at the lovely image upon the pillow. Gold hair streamed down almost to the floor, and large eyes were blissfully closed, her long dark eyelashes highlighting her cheeks. He knelt down to her full naturally red lips, and kissed them. I then woke, and I shook my shimmering lavender satin skirts. 

"Oh, well, who are you?" I asked, my voice musical and full of laughter.

"Oh, I'm Prince Charming, and who are you?" Prince Charming answered.

"I'm Princess Rosamund," I answered, and suddenly a pair of white gossamer wings appeared on my back. The prince looked shocked. I stared at his chestnut hair and deep brown eyes, but they were shallow. He was the most handsome man I had ever saw, yet I seemed to hate him. 

"You're looking shocked, what? Wings, they are normal for Faerieians. You are not from Faerie," I stated.

"No one has wings in Kyria, where I am Heir," the prince said pompously.

"Now will you leave me be? I thank you kindly for waking me up," I thanked.

"But you must come to Kyria, and be my Queen," Prince Charming ordered. I was horrified; I didn't want to be this pompous prince's husband. 

"Listen, I'm the heir of the Faerieian throne, I'm not going anywhere," I commanded. 

"But you are so beautiful, like a dream," he said.

"I'm no beauty! I look like every other princess, blonde, blue eyed. Yes, I can admit, not every princess has gossamer wings, but I'm a fairy. So leave," I yelled.

"No one is going to stop me from taking you as my queen, your parents are probably happy for you," he shouted back.

"Ha! You are so ignorant, I never had parents, I only had a mother, and there are no men in Faerie. Will you think!" I yelled. This was insane! He kissed me and now he believes that I am the most beautiful thing on two feet! Far from it, I'm just an average princess. Prince Charming then, the dolt, plucked me from my standing position and carried me away to his castle. I realized I lost all my magic from that rude awakening, and that stupid fairy that cast that spell on me. I'd rather die than lose my magic! We camped in the forest every night. I had to eat with him at every meal, ride next to him on his horse, and smell his body odor daily, gross. Now, I had to be some picturesque queen, do nothing for my mother country, and marry this cruel man! 

"I need to leave," I started. He caught my arm as I started to run.

"You aren't leaving my sight, in Kyria, once you kiss someone, you have to marry them. You are staying, and wear this," he handed me a gray gown embroidered with heavy gold inlays and inch wide jade stones, sewn into the hem. 

"I can't wear this, I could barely move in it! I'm wearing my lavender skirts and that's that!" I screamed. I was enraged, and I had no magic to defend myself with. "Can we take a side trip to Toren?"

"No, we need to go, quickly, no detours." Drat! If I could get to Toren, I could regain my magic, for the air there is so magical, it sticks if your body can handle magic. Toren was a wasteland of towers, lived in by mages and their families. Also, Toren had not been to war in five hundred years. We reached the castle in horrid condition. Charming insisted that we ride on the same horse, even though I could ride well. 

"Listen, I can get my own horse and we could ride much faster, or," I stopped and realized that I can't fly without magic, drat that fairy! 

"No, I won't allow it, you are in my possession, for you are my bride. In Kyria…" I blanked his words. I was helpless!


	2. Kyria

Finally after three weeks of uncomfortable travel on the back of his bony stallion, we faced a stony expanse, which he called "home

Finally after three weeks of uncomfortable travel on the back of his bony stallion, we faced a stony expanse, which he called "home." 

"I want you to meet my country," Charming pompously stated.

"No gardens? No trees? No greenery? No animals, or insects?" I whined. If this were my fate, I'd kill myself! No one listened to me, I felt like a statue. 

"Of course, gardens need tending, and we can use the gardening slaves for cleaning, or cooking or dressing us. Gardens are frivolous." 

"They are pretty, and now your, 'house,' is a prison. If you want your coun-."

"We are a warring country. If we had gardens they would be ignored when we went off to war."

"I could tend them, oh please." I couldn't believe I was begging. I never beg!

"No, I don't want you ruining your complexion in the sun. You can embroider in the castle."

"If I embroider, then I could pierce my finger." That was the dumbest thing I had ever said, but I hoped Charming would fall for it. 

"Yes, you are right. You can play with a golden ball in the courtyard. Of course there will be slaves to pick up dropped balls, and to hold a canopy above your head." No better. I was escorted to my room, and I picked through the closet, each dress looked like the last. They were all gray or brown with huge heavy stones sewn in.

"Gross!" I felt dirty, and my dress was stiff with dirt and grime. Consequently, I went to castle tailor, and asked if they could make dresses like the one I was wearing. They had to ask the prince. My marriage and his coronation would happen on the same to day, much to my dislike. When I tried to wash my dress, so it wouldn't fall apart in my hands, for Faerieian dress were so finely made, I had to wash them specially. 

"You can't wash your own clothes, this is a scandal," the washerwoman said, very flustered. I was standing in my white slip, and my long gold hair was in my face, hanging loosely over my shoulders. 

"I needed to wash my dress, it was very grimy." 

"Princesses don't wash their own dresses, this is a outrage!"

"I needed to wash it in a delicate way, and I've washed my dresses all my life, we never had slaves or servants, or whatever!" I hate slaves, when I am queen I shall outlaw very single one of them.

"Now, we need to practice being invisible, you need a lot of work. Now be quiet, and serene, and look pretty."

"NO! I'm not going to be some sculpture of a queen, I want to outlaw slaves, and create schools in every town, and then all the young can read and write. Reading and writing are wonderful, everyone's illiterate here, except the nobles, and your library is miniscule! I want to do something!"

"Women are to be seen and not heard." I stormed out of the room, out of the insanity of the maid, and her beliefs. I walked to the throne room, where Charming was sitting, and eating bon-bons, and amazingly not getting any fatter.

"Charming, can I not even wash my own dress? Your servants don't know how to wash the magic fabric, but it's caked in dirt. My dress is stiff!" I yelled.

"Are you insulting my slaves?" Charming screamed back at me.

"No, I just need to clean my dress, and they won't let me," I said.

"Wear the ones in your closet," he replied.

"They are ugly," I spat. "Who would wear gray, when they could wear pink and lavender, or floral dresses?"

"We do, it's style," Charming replied. I walked back into my room, I hoped that they had normal slips and petticoats here at least. They did, and from then on I went everywhere in my slips, and scandalized the whole court. The summer weather let me wear the thin white satin fabric. 

"You are our future queen, will you act like one? The coronation is tomorrow, and I need you try on this wedding dress," Charming handed me a white dress, thick with embroidery, beads, and pearls. I tried it on; it was stiff, and hard. I took it off, and jumped on it, finding I could easily step on it and it stayed the same shape. It had no give. I left the dress on my bed, and walked to the stable, petting the horse's muzzles. I found the horse I was looking for, a gold mare, with a white mane and tail. She was independent and fast, the perfect horse to run away on. 

"Tonight we'll leave, don't worry girl," I cooed. I had named the horse Day Lily, after my friend. I walked up to the castle, and was intercepted by an unknown girl; she was around my age though. 

"Hello, who are you? I'm Opal, duchess of Wishwillows," Opal said.

"I'm Rosamund, heir to the Faerieian throne, and soon to be queen of Kyria," I answered gloomily. Wishwillows, a fief of Eldornia, where have I heard that from? Eldornia was a country east of Faerie, which many fairies go to, if they want to marry. "Eldornia, are you part fairy?" 

"No, my family, the Wishwillows, are as blue blooded as possible. Why do you ask?" 

"Many fairies went to Eldornia in the Siege of the Conqueror. After the Siege, many of the fairies stayed. I was wondering if you were one of the families who interbred."

"Tell me about the Siege, I never learned about it."

"Well, the Conqueror, her name was Tigerlily. She was as described in the text books, as a brown haired, determined fairy. She was sick of our government, that we had a queen, and a board of merchants, and a board of nobles. She thought we should have a dictator, an all-powerful ruler. Many objected, the royal family included, but she got many followers, mostly farmers, because she would understand them, they thought. She mustered up an army of mad growers and their magic grew dangerous, but they were no match for Her Majesty's force. It was made of the best mage-fairies in the kingdom, and many trained warriors. So she struck, at our main port, Port Lotus. The mages there fought a desperate battle, before her Majesty's force came, and threw a fire spell at their the Conqueror's main force. They left, but reeked havoc throughout the surrounding villages, and many people fled to Eldornia. We finally beat her, we never kill in Faerie, but her legend remains."

"Why is this not in our history books?" Opal asked.

"It was a scandal, especially in Eldornia, for they had fairies now in their land, where Eldornians were known for their blue-blood. I strongly believe that you are as not as blue-blooded as you believe. They covered it up well, but it took awhile, that was more than five hundred years ago, and it still leaks out."

"Oh, I see." I walked back to the prison like castle with Opal. She seemed so interested in my story, I thought everyone knew it, but, yet, it was a huge scandal in Eldornia, maybe they blocked it out of history. I was bustled away from Opal, only to enter a room filled with weavers, and sewers.

"I'm wearing my slip, for marriage, and after. I even found an especially fancy one. Get out of my face, all you people! I'm not wearing the diamond necklaces, or embroidered slippers," I screamed, and ran away. 

"But you must, my dear, for you are our future queen," continued the maid.

"Your queen! I am but a statue, to look nice to next His Serene and Royal Highness, Prince Charming of Kyria, soon to be king," I mocked. 

"Ah, you are wrong. Prince Charming is fair, trustworthy, and just. You will not equal him in every court, and ball. He is mighty, and great, you will never equal him,"the maid countered.  
  
"Ah, but I am smart, and I know how to rule," I replied. The maid was dumbstruck, and I used her pause to my advantage. "I will marry your prince, if we can go to Toren, for our honeymoon."

"I cannot promise anything, I am but a slave. You must talk to His Majesty," she said. I stormed off to the court, ignoring the fact that they probably had foreign ambassadors.

"Prince Charming of Kyria, lady of the slaves, princess of thick gray dresses, I command a compromise," I ordered. I heard giggles, covered by hands around me. I didn't care, I could only do damage to the royal family, and little damage was done to me. "I wish we would go to the beautiful land of Toren, for our honeymoon."

"For what purpose, Rosamund my dear," Charming replied.

"My dear Charming, your Serene and Royal Highness, I wish to see the lovely mages towers, sparkling with their magic, and see King Peregrine of Toren," I said. 

"Ambassadors of Eldornia and Zamera, please listen to my betrothed wishes. Are they harmful to my country?" Charming asked.

"My Highness, no, they are not. Listen to your betrothed she may have something to say important. It may help your kingdom," replied an ambassador from Eldornia. He was mocking the prince too, I thought evilly. 

"Charming, I think you should free your slaves, and hire them as servants," I said as innocently as possible.

"Rosamund, I can't, we will have a lack of work, our culture will go downhill. Do you have other suggestions, perchance?" questioned Charming.

"Yes, may you put the table scraps out to the local peasants, for food. We have much waste, which could be saved and help homeless people," I said.

"It's all the same to me. I think we shouldn't though, we would pamper our people, and the peasants won't produce as much crops as usual. For then they shall only grow for taxes," explained Charming pompously.

"And, I think that is overly selfish. You have starving people, and you wish to keep them sick? Schools should be mandatory, and the royal family should have a twice, or three times a year trip around the kingdom, financing farm families and villages," I stated. Many foreign ambassadors were nodding in agreement, and glowering at Charming.

"Your Majesty, I agree with your betrothed, Rosamund. Her ideas are profitable," an Eldornian ambassador remarked. He turned to me, and asked, "for you are the producer of your wonderful plan, may we in Eldornia use it, perchance?"

"Of course, who am I to object?" I replied. He nodded, and I stared at Charming's response.

"Well, you see, you may, but only this once. She is under my rule, being my soon to be wife," said Charming, interrupting the ambassadors' thanks.

"You majesty, I quite object. For you see, her ideas will profit your kingdom, let her rule alongside you, and enter Kyria into a golden age," added a Zamerian diplomat.

"NO! She is a woman; she should not be among us men now. She is inferior to me, and only a noble," screamed Charming, obviously getting annoyed.

"Only a noble! I am the only daughter of Queen Delphinium, heir to the Faerieian throne, inheritor of the Gardens of Lilac. How _dare_ you call me purely a noble! Do you understand our society, our power structure?" I asked, enraged.

"Kings rule everything. I order you to leave, you are disrupting my meeting," said Charming bluntly. The diplomats held wide smiles, and soft laughs behind their hands. I left, and ran towards my room, I need to regain my magic. I needed to get to Toren. Kyria, was desperate for knowledgeable rulers, Charming didn't qualify.


	3. Toren

I packed an extra slip, and found Day Lily

Okay, I'm a sucker. I wrote a romance, and I stink at them (no, I won't swear). So, It's sappy, and fluffy, and I don't want it to get to sappy, cuz' I want to ruin it! No, but my romance won't be well oiled.  
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I packed an extra slip, and found Day Lily. Then I rode towards Toren, but stopped. What if I married the idiot? I could rule, and poison him, or I could regain my magic, and marry him. I had to marry him to gain power. So, I made my way to the barren magic wasteland, and towards King Peregrine of Toren's palace. In three days I got to the castle, with it's lush green yards around it, grown by magic, and tropical flowers, alive by mage help. It was like heaven compared to the thick, windowless walls of Kyria. A familiar black haired man ran out to greet me, and he tried to shake his black colored hair out of his eyes. 

"Peregrine!" I squealed. He laughed, and led me inside. 

"Um, lady, would you like a new dress, to your liking?" Peregrine asked.

"Thank you," I said. Then, I stared at the short, thin, white slip I was wearing. It was almost see through, and it had a low neck and no sleeves. "This is much different from what I looked like when you saw me last."

"I never saw you before," laughed Peregrine.

"Peregrine, I need you to retrain me in the art of mage-craft, for a while. My marriage can be postponed. Okay, wait, so I knew you grandfather great-grandfather? Oh, I don't usually look like this."

"Yes, and how?"

"I slept for a hundred years," I replied simply.

"You are a legend!"

"A legend does no good, when you lose all your magic, and then you marry an idiot."

"But…"

"But nothing, you are a mage, and I need to remember, touch up on basics."

"I'm not really a mage, for you s-."

"Neither am I, I'm a fairy."

"Prove it." I let my wings out, which were almost more covering than the dress I was wearing.

"Please?"

"Yes." Peregrine put out a neat tan hand, and I gripped it. He led me to an extra room, and told me to change. I was a disgrace. Then, I should go down to dinner, as a guest in Toren. I found a dress similar to what I wore in Faerie. I walked down the long, carpeted, sweeping stairs into the huge dining room. On one side was a dais, with a thick, elegant mahogany table set. All the faces turned to me, and I shivered, but held the court mask.

Peregrine stood up, and announced my arrival. "Princess Rosamund of Faerie and Kyria has joined our table for a few weeks. She is a honored guest, and treat her with respect." He used many more frivolous names, including, your Grace, and your Serene and Royal Highness, all of which are flattering, but didn't apply to me. Peregrine kissed my hand, as custom, and me to a seat, next to him on the wooden table. "Welcome to the Golden Palace."

"Your Highness, may I ask you for this dance?" a blonde noblewoman asked Peregrine. He smiled, and obeyed the woman. They danced in the open area, and some nobleman asked me, I denied his offer. Peregrine walked back, and asked me. I smiled a lopsided smile, and accepted. I'd probably make a fool out of myself, but I used to like to dance. 

"Peregrine, I must confess, I don't know any of the dance popular today," I avowed.

"The old dances, the ones you learned, are now popular, and if they aren't, then you can make them."

"Well-." He led me onto the floor, and my feet traced well learned steps, and fell into the dance's pattern. I watched people stare, and soon follow the steps, each becoming more complex as I danced. The musicians soon faded, the night enveloped us, and many turned in for the night. 

"You're magical! Where did you learn such dance?" a woman exclaimed.

"Well, you see, I lived one hundred years ago, it's a long story, and I was a princess, and they learn such things," I replied, half-heartily. The woman walked off, and I left the ball. Peregrine put on a pleading look on his face, and I shook my head. I slipped into my given room, and fell asleep on my bed, without changing my clothes. I awoke the next morning, to hear birds and squirrels chirp on my windowsill. I groaned, and dug around in some exotic clothing for a dress or slip. I was growing quite fond of slips, though I looked sluttish. I found a light lavender silk dress. A palace servant led me up to a tall tower, in which Peregrine was hunched over a pedestal table, engrossed in a thick volume of spells. 

"Ah, Rosamund. Have you obtained the desired magic?" he asked me pompously. 

"Peregrine, I have in fact. Your Highness, what perchance are you reading?" I asked in equal court drawl. 

"Rosamund, we aren't in court at this moment," he then turned to the maid to escorted me, "you my dismiss yourself. Now, I'm reading, _The Spells of Faerie, and the Surrounding Lands."_

"I thank you kindly. Now, may we begin?" I asked. For days I poured over books, practiced, and Peregrine gave me more books. He made me memorize disappearing spells, and transfiguration potions. I gladly drank in the knowledge presented, and wanted more. The days quickly passed, I stayed until good manners became evident, and I had to eat in the huge dining room. I danced, and let my golden hair fall down, and everyone around kept thinking that I am engaged to Peregrine! I hate rumors, and gossip. I walked onto the veranda, and let my wings emerge. They opened to five feet, and fell to my feet. My wings felt like white liquid, caged into a form to hold me aloft. I jumped, and my wings extended, leaving me suspended in air, and I flew. Only in dreams had I experienced such joy. Everything I knew about aviation came back to me, and I landed softly on the lush lawn. I fell onto the grass, and I felt part of everything. I heard my name being called, and a tall black haired man's face came into my field of vision. 

"When are you leaving? Now that you regained your magic?" Peregrine asked, sadly. 

"I don't know! Maybe next week? I don't know," I answered. I kept wishing I could stay, but in the back of my mind, which in the last few days had grown larger, I wished I didn't need to. 

"We need to return," he said softly. 

"Yes, as good manners tell us. Rumors will follow," I whispered. 

"Who cares about manners, court, and rumors?" he asked. I stepped back, shaken. Court was everything to me, except in Kyria. In Kyria I walked around in my slip, and insulted the prince to his face, my betrothed. Would Prince Charming always be my thorn? In Toren I became a beautiful court lady, in her fine garments, and expensive jewelry. "Rosamund, your life is court."

"Peregrine, I know. Kyria was so much different, I became rebellious, and I-I-I contradicted the prince to his face, and walked around in my slip. In Toren I became what I used to be, a court princess. I had so much more in Toren, rights, thoughts; I couldn't say a thing in Kyria. They have slaves too. I have to marry Charming, to take the queen's power. Little though it may be, I have it. When Charming dies a helped death, I take the crown."

"Rosamund, you are nothing like a court princess. No other princess plans a murder." 

"Then you don't know court. We still need to return," I insisted. Peregrine shook his head, and helped me to my feet. He grasped my hand a little too long, and I felt fire rush through my veins. His face turned apologetic, and I blushed, unseen in the gloom. I followed him into the dining room, and excused myself. I needed to leave soon, my marriage ought to be soon, and think about the raucous in Kyria. A knock came from my door, later that night, while I was reading more spell books. "Come in."

"Mistress, his Highness, King Peregrine wants to see you on the veranda," a maid said. I quickly changed into a dark blue dress, which perfectly matched my eyes, and ran over to the veranda. 

"Why?" I asked.

"Your country, Kyria, has a search party searching Toren. This is much to my displeasure," Peregrine began.

"Why tell me in such a secluded place?" I asked. 

" I wanted to talk to you alone, and not because of what I just told you. Rosamund, do you love Prince Charming?" Peregrine asked me. I was taken aback, it was too personal. I watched his black hair fall into his eyes, and he blew them off his face. I stared into his brown eyes, he was handsome, but not as handsome as Charming. Yet, Charming was dumb, shallow, and Peregrine was smart, and thoughtful. 

"No, I want his power," I said simply, but evilly. He looked horrified. "Peregrine, understand me. All my power and say in government was taken away from me by _him_. Everything, in one kiss."

"I understand." I started to walk away, and he caught my hand. I swung around. Peregrine kissed my lips. I never wanted that kiss to end. I fell in his arms, helpless, and warm. I felt his tongue on my own, and his lips caress my mouth. I was too aware of all the places our bodies touched, from his hands on my back, to my hips, thighs, and his black hair mixed into my own gold strands.   
  
"Peregrine," I panted, "I think I need sleep."

"I agree," he said. I walked off to my room. Fairies don't fall in love, I thought. There are no men in Faerie, many fairies fall in love with each other, but none fall in love with _men_. I reached my room, changed, and fell into bed, half-asleep. One kiss takes everything away from you, and another gives you everything. What if I didn't leave? I didn't want one person stop me from ruling a whole country, though. The next morning, I slept in. No maid came, to tell me I needed to go up to Peregrine's tower, no one came to tell me to come to breakfast, nothing. Only a letter propped up on my candle. It was in a expensive parchment envelope, sealed with a crown, the official seal of Toren. It read:

Rosamund ~

You were up late; I let you sleep in. If you will, when you wake up, will you meet me in my rooms? We can dine together. 

I threw on a dress, and hurried to his rooms. 

"I slept late," I explained.

"No harm done. I was waiting," he replied. We ate breakfast, and trudged up to his tower, and to more books. That afternoon I read crunched up in a fluffy chair. Peregrine occasionally gave me another book, but he mostly sat and read in a nearby chair. I knew I had to leave soon to Kyria, but what if I didn't? No, I must. 

"Peregrine, I need to start my trip to Kyria in two days," I said, after much thought.

"Two days?" he asked, dismayed.

"Yes."

"Oh." The two days quickly passed. I rode around on Day Lily on their grass, felt the sprigs between my toes, and lost all court behaviors. I returned to my sluttish slips too. My wings held me aloft on my daily flights, and I grew quite good at flying, again. Peregrine sometimes came out onto the lawn, and read as I flew. After I landed we would eat lunch together, and talk. Those two days quickly passed, in bliss. Too quickly were my extra slips and two or three extra satin silk packed. A smile and wave completed my departure. I wondered endlessly why I could call in love with a basically magicless creature, or human, especially because he was a man! Then I realized I wasn't even a whole fairy. I had flesh and blood. Fairies are purely magic, no flesh, blood, or sin. I had sin, I wanted to kill, murder, Prince Charming. I could sin, fall in love, and bleed. Those two weeks of being magicless gave me flesh. I could never reenter Faerie; I was no more a fairy. I let my tears fall, but dry, for hours. I could kill, and love, but never enter my homeland, never rule the utopia. 

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And to think…it will take me forever to complete the next chapter. Okay, don't think I can't command you (the reader) to think. You think involuntarily, do you think when convulsively itch insect bites when you forget to put bug-spray on. Nor do you think when you run (yes I have noticed that). That whole paragraph was DUMB!!!


	4. Kyria Again

I haven't updated in ages, have I? Ages are really ages when I haven't updated in two years. When I can barely remember my name, age and phone number, updating isn't something I remember easily. Luckily, or unluckily, I actually remembered to update so, here it is!  
  
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His hand wavers at the small of my back, my hand at his shoulder. I wish I could burn him through my fingers. Through the corner of my eye, I watch that duchess finally meet her future husband.  
  
I depart in the middle of the dance, yawning in boredom. Why is it that Kyrian balls are so dull? Dancing endlessly, I can think of anyone who really wants to just dance. No entertainment? No bards? No good musicians? This time, Charming let me finally find the musical guest. I couldn't find anyone really good, but I must admit this quartet is better than anything previously. The duchess seems happy.  
  
I miss Peregrine. I've been in court a week and I'm just bored. Sure, I can fly and junk, but what fun is that when you can almost never do it for more than five minutes? I should've stayed in Toren.  
  
"Stop!" said someone behind me.  
  
"Oh, I know it's you, will you stop being behind me, anyway? I mean, really!" I said, annoyed that someone tried to stop me from leaving the ball. "You, know Charming, how did you end up with that name? I mean, there are scads of other names you could be called, like George. But, no, your parents and your grandparents and every other relative in your family called the males Charming. I'd like to know why they called you the one word that least describes you."  
  
"Well, you see, Princess, I am much esteemed. And in Kyria, we are traditionalists. So, because I am King Charming XXXIV, I had to be named Charming because there were 35 Charmings before me. Do you understand now?" Sigh, what a pain. It might have been the most intelligent question I ever asked him. Or the least intelligent question. Either way, he was too stupid to answer it. Just explains why I don't want to marry him.  
  
"Right. Well, I am off to bed!" I announce, and leave.  
  
The next morning, with the birds chirping and the squirrels being squirrelish, I woke up. Only to learn that Charming was very much dead. It is a shock to learn that the one man you desperately wanted to kill is dead. I only spoke to him a couple of hours ago. Now he's dead. Well, that was fast. No one can tell who killed him, they just know he was in the bedroom with the letter opener. The lead pipe must have been too heavy. Now to find the culprit.  
  
"It's Professor Plum in the kitchen with the candlestick!" a servant yelled sure that she was right.  
  
"No, it's Miss Scarlet in the Hall with the revolver!" another person yelled also sure.  
  
"Okay," I said, "what's a revolver, first of all? And who's Professor Plum and Miss Scarlet?" Revolver? Is that like a wheel? Because, most everyone uses magic in warfare, and the murder was obviously done with magic, and a letter opener. "Listen. First, stop being stupid. It obviously was not in the Hall or with a candlestick. We know that it was done in the bedroom with the letter opener. Now, to business." I had to admit, the murderer was good. The murder left no trace of their identity and no motive as to why the person did it. I was astonished.  
  
"Right," the people said, stupefied. Good, that was over. I walked out of the room, very happy that my murder was already done for me. That was easy.  
  
The duchess left later that day with her new husband to the other side of the world. Probably happy to leave this chaos. Everyone's in a tizzy because of the murder, except me. I don't care and I took power in their confusion. No one's noticed yet. It's reassuring. 


End file.
